I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
