I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am mentally ready for anal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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