Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
