Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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