Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
