Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize