You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
