let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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