is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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