well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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