Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
