Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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