I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
