There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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