a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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