I must be too annoying 4 u.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
