I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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