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He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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