So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
