If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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