I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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