His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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