Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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