Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
