Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
