i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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