so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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