i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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