please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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