Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
