I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
