do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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