It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
