she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
