Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's blow job season.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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