There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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