It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
