New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
