So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
