Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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