yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
