why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
