I accidentally had phone sex last night
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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