i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
