I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
