remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
