I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
