just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
