I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
