she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
