I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
