we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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