Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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