I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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