if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
