Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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