Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
