just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
