you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
