if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize