My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
