No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
