It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
