Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's great music for shaving your balls
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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