Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm really into asian looking animals
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
