I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
