that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
