all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
