i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
