I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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