just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
