Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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