he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
