ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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