I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it hurts more in the daytime
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
