You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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