i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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