so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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