Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
