She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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