I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he fucked my hip out of place.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
