Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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