i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i've created a new STD.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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