I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just invented taco cereal.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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