finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
