i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
