Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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