Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
