I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
