there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
