walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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