Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
