my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
