We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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