Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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