Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
