I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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