your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
