508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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