I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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