I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
