May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
