she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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