I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
